


Sunshine Kisses

by LemonadeBitches



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxious Kozume Kenma, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Kageyama Tobio is a Little Shit, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26263039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonadeBitches/pseuds/LemonadeBitches
Summary: Shouyou is the sunlight in Kenma's life. But it's been a while since he felt the Sun's warmth caressing his face on the golden afternoons.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

– I think I feel something for him...

– Something?

– I like him.

Kenma admitted, but there was no reaction coming from his best friend. Kuroo just looked at him with a hint of curiosity. He had read him like a mystery book: he had already pictured himself in this scenario once, the same exact words had already slipped out of his lips, and he knew that wasn’t the reason Kenma had invited him over in such a hurry. If that was the case, why did he word his text in such an urgent and imprecise way? A simple “I like Shouyou” didn’t require a message like “I need you to come over”.

– I know that already – He replied, laying more comfortably across Kenma’s bed, as if what his friend had just confessed bore the hell out of him.

– I.. love him?

 _I love him_ , he repeated to himself. A smile formed on his lips, he felt so stupid. Kenma was lost and, in that beautiful place that built itself upon those three words inside his mind, the Sun resembled Shouyou. He hugged his legs tighter, burying his face on his knees, like that action alone could help him hide those feelings. What had they done to him? His racing heart, his sweaty hands, the tickling sensation, his trembling knees and the constant sighs were exhausting, but also so much fun. And now, solely by thinking of Shouyou, that revolution unraveled from his core. He wanted to burst out laughing, to cry helplessly until he felt his eyes dry, and then to laugh again. For someone like Kenma, that emotional whirlwind was enough to give him a stroke.

– So you finally noticed – Kuroo snorted after seeing the reaction that earned him. There he was, his childhood friend, a handful of nervousness and butterflies, shielding himself from the world like a child. – Are you going to _tell_ him?

That question brought Kenma back to Earth. He was back in that place he dreaded to be in, that reality where he was haunted by the ghosts he had created. The sunlike warmth that previously bloomed in his chest was now dim and faint, and everything felt cold again. His lungs, now frozen, struggled and his breath hitched, trying to take in more air. He needed to feel something, anything. And that void paradoxically weighed him down, burying him underground. As if his body wasn't heavy enough already, his feelings only made standing up an even heavier and harder task. Kenma was lost and stagnant. His fear had been following him close, but now there it was, standing over him and suffocating his fragile frame. He barely even looked up at Kuroo, slowly turning his head to the side, and noticing his serious gaze.

– I can't. I can't even _imagine –_ What if he rejects me and doesn't want to speak to me ever again? I don't want to lose him, Kuroo. I really don't want to ruin it all. I don't even know if he is like me, you know? And, even if he was, why would he care to be with me of all people? – At this point, Kenma couldn't help the words that were coming out of his mouth, almost like it was an open sink. His chin was now on his knees, trying to evade Kuroo's stare. Kenma's ability of speaking so openly about his feelings took him off guard –. I feel like I'm not even close to _being_ like the guys that surround Shouyou. If he actually liked someone, I think that'd be Kageyama, not me. And I'm not like him, I will never be. How is he supposed to notice me if I'm not as half as awesome as Kageyama? When he's with him he acts so different, I think he just feels pity, that's why he's kind to me. God, and he is so kind… I truly don't want him to go through all of this because of me, I don't want to _gross him out._

Those last words stayed there, suspended on the thick atmosphere of the situation. His loud thoughts contrasted against the quiet of his room. Those secrets he had decided to keep to himself and ignore forever were now manifesting, and their presence was enormous. That hatred that was reserved only for himself, the same one he kept running from every day since the start, was the one going down his throat and burning his insides. He was facing it, there was nowhere else to turn. At this point, Kuroo was deeply concerned.

– Sometimes, being so smart seems like a disadvantage for you. You're trapped inside your own mind, jumping to conclusions. You're obsessed with those negative thoughts and now you can't let them go, but the reality might surprise you. Not everything is always like you think it is, Kenma.

– That's easy for you to say, you're outside of the problem – Kenma replied harshly.

– You're very stubborn sometimes. You're getting carried away by those shitty thoughts – Kuroo replied, pausing for a moment and waiting for a response that never came –. Look, Kenma, I don't know a lot about Hinata, but I know you. And I think you are old enough to stop avoiding your problems and hiding your feelings just because you're afraid of rejection or because you don't like to lose.

Kenma kept quiet. As always, his friend was right, and his words echoed on his mind for a while. However, he wasn't calm, and he felt more stupid than before for not thinking about that.

– I don't know, I'll think about it.

– No, you fucking _won't_. That's what I'm talking about. As soon as you start thinking about it, you'll start to believe all of that dumb shit you just told me. Come on, I thought you were clever enough – Kuroo sat on the bed, already sick and tired of the constant pessimism of his friend –. Let's review: you're head over heels for shorty, you're just a silly boy who smiles even wider with each message he sends you and, until you finished highschool, the only thing that hyped you up like no other was to have matches against them because it meant you could see him. And now, thank God, you started going out more frequently, even if it's only to go all the way to Sendai, to his house. Just take a look at you right now, your face is all red and you're trembling like a fifteen-year-old. And it isn't even because something happened, you're like this because of your hyperactive, self-destructive mind.

– Fine, I get it, you're right – Kenna groaned. It was pretty clear, he couldn't win this one –. But at least let me breathe… I need to find the right moment if I want to tell him how I feel.

– Well, he has to come to Tokio in a few days, doesn't he? Karasuno won, they're coming for nationals. I think you should take that opportunity. You may know a lot of things, Kenma, but keep in mind that you don't know what will happen.

There were exactly four days left until nationals and, at that very moment, Kenma felt cold water run down his spine. He understood that overthinking wasn't doing anything good for him, but he couldn't help it. His mind had already pictured multiple scenarios of what might happen. Some of them were scary. Others, maybe one or two, were a little bit more hopeful, so he held onto them.

And that was how he spent his entire night, alone in his bedroom, on the pendulum that made his mind and heart oscillate between his love for Shouyou and his fears and insecurities that invaded him. The scene of a few days ago replayed endlessly in his mind, and he noticed how hard he had fallen for the other boy.

_It wasn't the first time they slept close to each other. He went through that experience already, every single training camp in Tokyo mobilized Kenma, since that meant he got to be closer to Shouyou. Even though that day would be different, they'd be by themselves._

_Kenma couldn't be more nervous about this. He was already getting used to the butterflies that appeared every time Shouyou smiled, but now they were multiplying, and they seemed to be particularly restless. He couldn't focus on Shouyou's words because, in an instant, he was already lost on his lovely voice and the sweet melody the rhythm of his sentences formed. Kenma wasn't even capable of looking at him in the eyes without his heart skipping a beat and instinctively looking away, taking refuge in some distant spot of the landscape that surrounded both boys. It was hard, but he struggled in order to keep that disaster inside of him._

_– Kenma… Kenma, are you alright?_

_A hand crossed his field of vision and Kenma forgot how to breathe for a second. Then, he took a sip of his drink, trying to disguise his anxiety, and looked at Hinata, whose eyes revealed his worry. An electric shiver traveled through his body, from the pit of his stomach and towards his limbs. He wished that the color hadn't reached his cheeks yet._

_– Yes, I was just thinking._

_– What were you thinking about? – Shouyou had turned his head, and some red curls fell, decorating his forehead. Kenma was doing his best not to hug the hell out of him right then and there._

_– Well, um, it's getting a little late, we should go to your house – he replied, after hesitating for an instant. In reality, his mind was replaying over and over again the smile Hinata had received him with on Sendai's station that same evening. It had melted his heart until he felt himself fall apart, but Shouyou's arms had saved him with a hug, holding the pieces left of him on this world._

_They exited the restaurant and, in half an hour, they were already in Shouyou's bedroom. His sweet scent flooded Kenma's senses, who was now floating on a cloud, far away from Earth. After that, they didn’t waste much time getting ready for bed and tucking themselves to sleep, since Kenma knew that Shouyou was used to falling asleep around 11 p.m._

_On the other hand, for him, that was quite early. He had already considered staying awake until Hinata woke up in the morning. He laid there one, two, even three hours, and cursed himself internally for forgetting his Nintendo Switch at home. When he finally got bored of all the games on his phone, he started silently counting the wooden boards that covered the ceiling. At least the ones he managed to see thanks to the dim moonlight that entered through the barely opened curtains of the window. In reality, he was trying to keep his mind away from any dangerous thoughts about the situation, but that weight in his chest wouldn’t leave. Instead, it kept growing with every second that passed._

_– Are you awake? – the whisper, coming from his left side, took his already shallow breath away._

_– Yeah, did I wake you up?_

_– No, I couldn’t sleep at all – there was a small silence, but Kenma thanked the crickets that were singing outside the window for covering the sound of his loud beating heart –. Can you turn around?_

_Thank God the room is dark enough, he thought. His face was burning, and it got worse when he turned around, facing Shouyou, and saw his face an inch away._

_– I had so much fun with you today, Kenma. Even if you didn’t want to set for me, I don’t care. I missed you. I wish we could spend more days together, like today. Since you started college I don’t really want to bother, but I know you’re super smart and it’s probably all so easy for you. Well, that’s not important anyway. What’s important is that I’m happy to be here with you._

_Thank God the room is dark enough, Kenma repeated internally, who had been holding his breath for a while now. Even if he wanted to see Shouyou’s expression, he didn’t even need to imagine it, because he knew he smiled throughout that last sentence._

_– I’m happy to be with you too, Shouyou – he replied, after catching his breath._

_What has he done to him? Hinata asked himself. “His voice couldn’t be more beautiful” he thought, feeling the red decorate his cheeks. Sweet and velvety words, caressing him softly, relaxing every fiber of his body. And, even without being able to see him properly, he stared at Kenma’s lips, waiting for them to come closer and touch his own. Thank God, the room was dark enough to cover his face when his smile disappeared slowly and that kiss never came._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for brief mentions/descriptions of blood and violence

Kenma's vision was clouded, the air around him felt heavy and thick as he ran desperately down the stairs and across the long hallway. His breath was quick and heavy, and his heart was almost pounding out of his chest. Suddenly, he stopped to check if he was going towards the right direction, since his mind was elsewhere and his body moved on instinct. For a second, he forgot where he was, the only word invading his mind constantly being "Shouyou". The few minutes that took him to get there seemed to expand, he felt he spent hours getting there. 

It had happened all too quickly: Hinata had jumped to block a spike a bit late, and the spiker sent the ball right in his direction, causing him to fall on his back. Kenma had gotten up in sync with the loud _thud_ that resonated through the entire gimnasium, staying frozen in place when he saw how they took Karasuno's 4 away, who was holding the back of his head. The older boy hoped it was his anxiety making things up, or just a trick of the light, but he swears he saw blood on the floor of the court. A shiver ran down his spine at the thought of that scene.

He opened the nurse's office's door after stopping a fraction of a second to catch his breath. Looking around, he only let the tension of his shoulders ease partially when he saw the redhead sitting down, seemingly ok, with a nurse checking on him. Kenma sat patiently beside him with his hands fidgeting, waiting for the examination to end and glancing at him from the corner of his eye in anticipation. 

– He'll be ok, he just needs to take a break to recover – Yachi's voice, although calm and quiet, surprised him a little. In all the rush, he had only been able to focus on Hinata. His only responses were a small nod and his subtly flustered face at the fact that the manager could read his worry so easily, even when he was trying his best not to look distressed.

After the nurse finished doing her job, she told the ace that it was nothing serious, he'd be okay in a few hours, and his headache and dizziness would be long gone by then. Hearing that eased Kenma down considerably, but there was still a question buzzing on the back of his head.

– How are you feeling, Shouyou? – he said, turning around a bit to face him – I was really worried.

– I'm fine, I guess. My head still hurts a little. I'll be okay though – the other boy replied, giving him a quick smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

– No, I mean, you look… sad. Wanna talk about it?

Hinata was, in fact, feeling sad. Not only that, but also pathetic and upset. He didn't really think when he was in the court, he moved by instinct.

– I'm so lame – he started, burying his face in his hands, not daring to look at the long-haired boy –. I just did what I'm used to doing, that's all. Honestly, I need to start thinking before doing stuff like that.

– It's ok, you were only trying to cover for the team – Kenma said, one of his hands resting mindlessly on Hinata's knee, forcing him to finally make eye contact with Kozume – No one can blame you, your attempt wasn't ill-intended.

Hinata replied with a coy smile, and nothing more. To be honest, he wasn't convinced. Logically, his argument seemed plausible, but he couldn't bring himself to agree yet. He had failed, so it was fair to feel like this, right? He had earned it.

– What the fuck were you thinking of?! You weren't even supposed to block that, it was literally on the other side of the court. You're lucky we still won.

Kageyama entered the nurse's office some minutes later, after the match ended, only to scream at Hinata. Said boy was reacting strangely, he wasn't responding at all, focusing his eyes on a distant point of the wall instead; it was as if he knew he had fucked up, and thought that he deserved everything that was thrown at him in that very moment. Kenma, who had been sitting by his side since he arrived, noticed Hinata's reaction. He knew that feeling well, it was clear that Shouyou's anxiety was getting to him. Of course he couldn't respond, but Kenma was starting to feel impatient and angry. Who in their right mind would care more about the result of a match over the injury of one of his teammates (moreso, the one who Kageyama _dared_ to call his best friend)?

Plus, he was _loud_. The setter's voice was echoing throughout the nursery, and he just wished he'd stop. He even scared Yachi away. It bothered Kenma, he sounded so stupid. He wasn't even saying coherent things anymore, he was straight up insulting Hinata. Maybe that's why he kept staring furiously at Kageyama, his hands gripping the fabric of his pants tightly while he tried to keep as calm as possible.

_– I had a fight with Kageyama today – Hinata said and Kenma looked at him for a second, before gluing his eyes to the TV in front of him again._

_– Don't you two fight every single day though?_

_– Yeah, but he was harsher than usual, you know? He tends to fight over little things with me, or to pressure me into being a better player. This time he was attacking me for something more… Personal, something other than volleyball or if it's ok to put pineapple on pizza. I still think it's definitely not ok though, pineapple on pizza is gross._

_Oh. That was it? "Something personal"? Kenma knew something was up because Shouyou would normally have told him everything right away, but he was clearly tiptoeing around the issue and changing the subject now. Well, Kenma wouldn't pressure him then, even if he wanted to know. It would only lead to something bad, and he certainly didn't want to disturb his special bond with the redhead. Did this make him feel as if Shouyou didn't trust him anymore and that they were slowly but surely drifting away? Yes. Did he think he was extremely stupid for feeling so vulnerable? Absolutely. Was he going to let Shouyou see him like this? No, not at all. So he just gripped his controller a little tighter and continued the conversation as usual._

– Okay, that's enough – said the nurse, opening the door –. You should get going, your matches already ended and your bus must be outside – then, she pointed at Kageyama –. And you, stop being so loud. It's not going to help Hinata recover faster. Calm down.

Kageyama kept quiet until she left, but he went straight back to yelling as soon as she was out of sight.

– Don't think that just because you're the ace now you can carry the whole team on your back and do everything for us, Hinata.

_It was Kenma's third year, and he had gone to Sendai as a surprise: he was going to watch Shouyou play. Of course, Hinata invited him beforehand, but he had to say no since he didn't know if he'd be able to make it, exams were around the corner and he had to study if he wanted to go to college. Going there was a last-minute decision, and he'd soon regret it._

_He hid between the many people who were there, expecting to surprise his best friend. The match went wonderfully, with Hinata spiking flawlessly on the court and the team being as good as he remembered. Karasuno won, naturally, but just when Kenma was about to go greet his friend and the team, he saw it. Kageyama and Hinata seemed, well, quite close. Everyone hugged when they scored the last point and won the match as they always did, but those two stayed there, a tight grip on each other, Hinata's smile bigger than ever. Bright like the Sun, like he always was. But today, Kenma thought, he's shining brighter. Maybe it's him overreacting. Maybe it's Kageyama. Maybe it's just that Kenma is no good for Shouyou, he's sure he can't make him smile like that. He didn't feel like forcing himself to go there anymore, so he waited until the other spectators were leaving, getting up and exiting the building without being seen._

And Kenma wasn't going to listen anymore.

– That sounds a little hypocritical coming from you, don't you think, _King_? – Kenma said, standing up and in front of Shouyou, who looked at him immediately, shock and a hint of concern painted in his face.

– Don't fucking call me that – Kageyama spat, getting closer to Kenma –. You're only here because Hinata lets you, but you shouldn't even be _in_ here, so it's none of your business.

– It _is_ my business if you come here only to scream at Shouyou and you don't even care if he's ok or not – the other one replied, grabbing Kageyama by the collar of his shirt.

Even if he was still feeling a little dizzy, Hinata stood up, grabbed Kenma's hand and looked at him in the eye. The older boy retreated his hand immediately, giving a quick apologetic look at Shouyou before glaring at Kageyama again, who was now with his arms crossed over his chest, looking intensely at him. The message was clear from the beginning: _you don't belong here_. 

– It's ok Kenma, he didn't really mean that. He gets like this when things don't go according to his plan – Hinata said that last part a little more bitterly than he expected –. Thank you, but I can handle this.

Kenma's eyes were now fixated on Shouyou's. That awkward smile he gave him and the slight worry on his eyes just repeated the same message. _You don't belong here_. The problem was that he didn't really think Hinata could make him feel that way. He had always felt at home with Shouyou, the boy was one of the few things that made his life so colorful and bright, so why does he feel like a stranger right now? 

_When he was already out of Sendai's gymnasium, he hurried towards the station, his hands trembling and his plan ruined. Honestly, why did he think this was a good idea? He should've known that it was Kageyama all along. Now that he thinks about it, the only other time he had seen Shouyou shine so brightly was at the training camp some weeks ago. Karasuno had lost a match against Fukorodani but, instead of being sad, the ace was utterly excited. They were very close to winning, Fukorodani getting the lead by only 3 points. But Kageyama and Hinata's performance was definitely something to see. Kenma had to listen to his best friend brag about it until almost 5am and, every time he mentioned how connected, synchronized and close he felt to Kageyama, his own eyes lost a little color. And now, as he looked at the sunset from the window of his train to Tokyo, its intense colors reminded him of Shouyou, and how he'd keep shining nonetheless, with or without him by his side._

It might have been his kinda broken heart, or his impossibility to say no to him, or both, but he decided to go. Shouyou could handle it.

– Tch. It seems like you didn't grow up, at all. I already told you this, but I won't toss to you if you aren't useful to the team.

Breathe. Keep walking. Shouyou can handle this.

– You don't deserve to be the ace.

At that, Kenma stopped walking. Kageyama knew how much effort and hard work Hinata poured into being the ace, into volleyball as a whole. Hell, Kenma himself acknowledged that, and he wasn't even on the same team. He stood there, waiting for a response, but the ace wasn't defending himself. _Calm down,_ _Shouyou can handle this._

– Are you listening to me? – Kageyama's voice was even louder than before, if that was somehow possible – Just stop playing volleyball. It's not worth it, _you're_ not worth it – That last part was said almost mumbling, but Kenma heard it. Every single bit.

Without even thinking about it, he turned around and, in the blink of an eye, he was in front of Kageyama, punching him in the face. The next few moments played in slow motion. Everything was blurry, until he spotted red coming out from the setter's nose, focusing on it, clearly shocked at what he had just done. He turned around to see Hinata standing up, staring at him in disbelief.

That wasn't him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey 💖 Hope you guys liked this week's update! As always, kudos and comments are highly appreciated, and tysm for all your support!! 💕


	3. Chapter 3

Kenma's soul had left his body in the exact moment he felt Shouyou's piercing stare. Now, considering it as a threat, his survival instincts forced him to run, but he was not the one moving his legs and looking desperately for the exit anymore, he felt numb, moving on auto-pilot. He had forgotten how big the place was, the stairs and hallways seemed endless as they twisted and turned around the multiple courts and the people who accumulated there, some deep in thought, others expectant, anxious, defeated and victorious. Kenma lost count of how many times he had collided against them, breaking the atmosphere of celebrations and silent solemnity. He didn't apologize or look behind, he simply kept looking for the exit.

Cold air brushed against his cheeks, making a mess of his hair and throwing some locks of hair in front of his eyes. The path his tears traced across his face felt cold, but he wasn't really aware of them. Only when he felt safe enough was when he started to feel more in control of his body. He slowed down and sat on the pavement. His heavy breathing was an indicator of how far he had gone in such a short amount of time. He started to catch his breath, sucking in big puffs of air, holding them inside his lungs for a few seconds and releasing them, dragging the annoying buzz on his ears away. Now, fully aware of himself, feeling every single inch of his body, the tears started to bloom as soon as his mind went back to where it needed to be. They came out one after another, with anger and guilt and pain and desperation, drenching the sleeves of the hoodie he hid his face in. His breath was slipping away from his lungs, and he was unable to catch it even if he tried. That anxiety, a long-time-acquaintance of his, was taking over him. He started to choke between tears he didn't know how to stop anymore. And nor in the sky or by his side was his comforting Sun, with his warming presence, to fill the lonely void inside of him.

Kenma doesn't remember how much time he spent there on the floor, or when he had stopped crying. He couldn’t remember completely how he had ended up on the subway going back home either. But there he was, thankfully not on rush hours, looking at his reflection on the window. His face was still red and a bit swollen, but his tears were dry and he was happy nobody had seen him a few minutes ago. Nonetheless, that presumed neutrality he showed the world contrasted with his messy mind. How did he let that happen? He went over the events internally, not finding any correlation between the causes and the consequences. And there were more consequences to come.

He felt his phone vibrate inside his pocket. Maybe the consequences were already there. Panic and anxiety made a knot on his throat as he unlocked his phone.

**Good luck, my young grasshopper!**

**You better tell me every single**

**detail when you get home 😈**

Kenma sighed when he noticed that the message was from no other than Kuroo. He was about to put his phone back inside his pocket but he made the mistake of clicking on the notification, entering the chat and marking Kuroo’s message as seen. He had just doomed himself.

**Hey**

**You should pay attention to**

**your date**

**Stop using your phone a little**

**No.**

**You’re going to make Chibi-chan**

**mad, and you don’t want that,**

**don’t you?**

**Too late.**

**...**

Kenma turned his phone off, taking his eyes off the screen and looking at his reflection again. He might call Kuroo later but, at the moment, the words would struggle to come out and it would be useless to try and speak. Ah, yes, it was a fact. Shouyou was mad at him. He had obviously, majestically, gigantically fucked up and maybe, more due to his shame than anything else, it would be hard for him to look at the other boy in the eyes again. Even then, a part of him was still reluctant to feel regretful about what had happened. Kageyama deserved it, or maybe not, but Kenma wanted him to deserve it.

He turned his phone on again when he arrived home. Twelve messages and two missed calls from Kuroo were waiting for an answer.

— You did _what_? — Kuroo wasn’t able to hold his laughter anymore. The mere idea of Kenma punching someone was irreal enough on its own but, Kageyama? No offense, but he would beat Kenma with only one movement.

— Shut up. It’s not funny.

— No, not at all. It’s hilarious, really — from the other side of the line, Kuroo was laughing again.

— I’m going to hang up if you don’t stop.

— Geez, sorry… Sorry. Don’t punch me Kenma, please! DON’T HANG UP YOU LITTLE-

— Shut up then.

He waited a few instants until his friend recovered from his fit of laughter. It was honestly surprising how stupid he could get when he wanted to. Kuroo cleared his throat once again and finally replied:

— Did you talk to Hinata?

_What for?_ thought Kenma. Right now, Hinata was probably preoccupied enough with the tournament and the matches and Kageyama, he wouldn’t want another thing to think of added to the list. But he had already done so anyway.

— No, I don’t think I should. Plus, what would I tell him…?

— I don’t know. Maybe, just _maybe_ , I think you should say something like “sorry”. You could tell him how you feel and make things clear between you two. I’m sure he’s also confused with everything that happened. 

— No… I would only bother, he has bigger problems than me to solve.

  
  


Kuroo pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. His friend’s low self esteem could make him very impatient sometimes. Those moments when Kenma stubbornly decided to see things through a negative perspective and showed that unhealthy predisposition, seeing the empty glass, he just felt his patience disappear.

— Well, but you have to do something. You can’t run and hide from this for the rest of your life. It isn’t really necessary for me to say this, but-

— I fucked it up — Kenma interrupted —. I know that. I wasn’t thinking, I just wanted him to shut up, to stop shouting, to swallow his own words. I know I was wrong, but he was worse. Shouyou doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. I don’t get why he still puts up with Kageyama. Even if he’s a genius on the court and such a good player he doesn’t have the right to act that way. And Shouyou tolerates him and he likes him and I can’t understand why.

— I think you know why — Kuroo wanted to take the words out of him. It would be enough for him if Kenma admitted it. And he fell on his trick.

— Of course I know. Kageyama is amazing and Shouyou thinks he needs him. He’s sure about that. It doesn’t matter if he’s a piece of shit with him and everyone else, Shouyou lets these things slip as if they were silly little things and they are _not_. At least to me they aren’t, I wouldn’t stand him. And yet he does… And he seems so excited when he’s with him, I think he would forgive him for everything. Shouyou is a cheerful person, yeah, and he’s also very energetic and ambitious. But with Kageyama he’s just… unstoppable. As if he was going to take on the world. And I think he likes the feeling so much that he just forgets how bad Kageyama actually is.

— So you think Hinata’s kind of a masochist who likes to be a doormat to those he likes? I doubt he has a toxic friendship. And even if it were like that, why don’t you complain to him about it? — At this point Kuroo was almost screaming with exasperation —. Kenma, you’re jealous as fuck and it shows when you tell me these things. That’s partially why you reacted that way. It’s understandable, not justifiable, but you haven’t lost yet. Don’t give up.

— You sound like an inspirational coach sometimes, it’s annoying — Kenma furrowed his brows as he got comfortable on his computer chair. He was planning on ending that conversation as soon as possible. 

— The problem is that you’re so pessimistic that you can’t stand people who try to make you see things differently.

— Kuroo, I don’t think he’s interested in talking to me.

— Why wouldn’t he be? After all, you ran away before anyone could say a word to you. You rushed out of there, not giving anyone the chance to speak.

— He could’ve called. Or sent a message. Anything, really.

— He knows you. I guess he knows this is something weird coming from you and he just chose to wait for you to calm down before talking to you.

— Okay, and I’m going to wait for him to talk to me before fucking things up yet again.

— You’re a fucking coward.

— Bye — And, not letting his friend say something else, he hung up.

Kenma took the headphones that were on the desk, putting them over his head. Before his mind could fill itself thinking about Shouyou, he decided he’d disconnect himself from everything for a while. Maybe tonight was meant to be another restless night, between long matches of some game that caught his attention. His last thought before dissociating was an echo of what Kuroo had told him, he just ran away before someone was able to stop him.

\-----------------------------------

— KENMA!

Shouyou wanted to run behind him, but a strong grip stopped him dead on his tracks. Turning around, he saw Yamaguchi grabbing his arm, with a worried expression on his face. It wasn’t necessary for the captain to mutter a word, Hinata was already apologizing for the troubles he was causing. And not only for the fight that had been going on a few moments ago, of which he felt responsible for, but also for his absentmindness on their matches, that's what had left him in that situation. A tight lump formed in his throat, thanks to the pressure he was feeling. He had to redeem himself and solve this mess.

— Hinata, it’s not necessary — Yamaguchi rushed to say —. You aren’t the problem, you don’t have to apologize.

Shouyou stood straight, still feeling the weight of the guilt over his shoulders. Even if Tadashi wasn’t mad at him, he was still worried about the condition of the team. The familiar tension was now thickening the air, making anyone in front of it uncomfortable.

Hitoka had found some cotton balls to stop Kageyama’s bleeding, who remained silent since the punch. In fact, the four of them remained silent as they sat in the hallway. Conflicts between those two were something common, the screaming and insulting and maybe even some more heated fights where they got physical. At this point this was typical, as if they were brothers. But now, neither of them were the ones to take the first blow, it was someone outside of their bond. Something in their dynamic had been disrupted. 

It didn’t take long for professor Takeda and coach Ukai to find the team. And worry took the best of them when not only one, but two of their players were hurt. Still, Yachi, Hinata and Yamaguchi’s surprise was bigger when they heard Kageyama’s explanations about his state.

— It simply started bleeding when I was going to the infirmary, but I’m ok now — he said, not making a big deal out of it —. Hinata’s ok too, he’ll be able to keep playing tomorrow.

— What a relief, we thought it could’ve been something serious — Takeda relaxed his shoulders as he spoke, releasing a relieved sigh.

Regardless of the general state of happiness for having gotten so far in the competition, Hinata wasn’t calm at all. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around everything that occured. Kageyama and Kenma’s fight and, over all, the later’s attitude were still big questioning marks he needed to sort out. Believe it or not, even his appetite had decreased considerably. His nerves didn’t let him go, invading his mind and reminding him what had happened. However, he didn’t know what to do about it and, moreso, he didn’t know what to do about Kenma.

Before getting back to the dorms, Kageyama stopped him in the hallway.

— You need to talk to Kenma — He said in an imperative tone, restraining a “moron” from coming out of his mouth, as he usually did.

— Eh? You aren’t mad at me?

— No, it isn’t practical to be angry at you now. But I still think you’re too distracted and what happened with your friend can harm us a lot more.

Hinata stared at him both amazed and relieved. Everything was fine between them. At least this was one less problem to worry about. He didn’t dare to say it out loud, but the punch Kenma gave him seemed to have accommodated him, and now he was acting way more polite. The thought of it made Hinata want to giggle. 

— You’re right, but I don’t know what to say to him — he said as he slid his back against the wall, sitting on the floor. Kageyama mimicked his action, sitting right next to him —. It was so weird. Kenma is a very calm person, he’s barely able to raise his voice. I think I heard him scream three times, tops. He’s everything but aggressive, I’m really worried.

— Well, that’s another reason to talk to him, don’t you think? Talk to Yachi or Yamaguchi, they saw what happened and they’re better at this than me. Plus, if you like Kenma so much, you should ask them for love advice and confess once and for all.

Shouyou’s cheeks turned beet red in a second, and he turned his head away as a reflex so that Kageyama couldn’t see him. He loved Kenma, and he loved talking about Kenma even more, but the times he attempted to let him know his true feelings never came out properly, and he still asked himself what had he done wrong. Most of the time, he thought about this as if it was a volleyball strategy and, even if he wanted to pretend he didn’t worry about that a lot, he did.

— That’s not important, Kenma’s clearly not ok, do you think I should bother him with this now?

— I don’t know — He replied as he got up —, but if you’re going to do it, do it now because we still have matches ahead and I don’t want you zoning out. I’m going to go get Yachi.

Hinata remained there, thinking of Kenma. He checked his phone and saw he had been online two hours ago. Maybe it wasn’t too late to fix this, but now he needed to know what to say to get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo, sorry for the delay on this week's chapter ;; we were supposed to post this update yesterday but college happened so we didn't make it on time. Anyways, hope you enjoy it!  
> Kudos and comments are deeply appreciated, as usual. We're thankful for all your support! It really makes us happy to know that you like what we're writing and it inspires us to keep doing so!


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